He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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