I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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