my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
