new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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