Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think my moral compass just broke
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
