we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
