Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
