I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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