i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
