What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
