Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
