I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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