No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
