Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
