This is not my ceiling
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
