just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
