Your mouth is God's brothel.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize