if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
