He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize