I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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