You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
