I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
