Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
