i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
