never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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