their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
