I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize