Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
