First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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