apparently the secret to your success is patron
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
