I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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