the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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