Tell her she can't have a vagina
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
