so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sext me about skeletons
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
