I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
