This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
