my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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