So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
