I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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