I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
