It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
