you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
