You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
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