i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
