OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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