i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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