Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
