So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
