you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
