My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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