Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
