I'm going to jail i love you
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize