Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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