Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize