so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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