Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we're making bets on your personal life
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
