I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
