I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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