i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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