I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
