Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize