As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
