He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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