I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
