My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize