he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
