I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
