I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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