It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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