Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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