I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
