and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
